5 Brené Brown Quotes that could be about family photography | Washington DC Family Photographer
I have what may seem like an unorthodox philosophy on family photography. It can be summed up like this:
Authentic family photos > Idealized family photos
Don’t get me wrong - I love a well-crafted family portrait as much as the next woman.
But I also kind of worry – with all the imagery we see from all directions all the time, so much of which is actually designed by companies to get us to buy their product or service, are we losing touch with what family life really looks like? And in losing touch with that, are we all judging ourselves by a false standard… then feeling bad when we don’t ‘measure up’?
I’m super into Brené Brown, because her writing and lectures are all about letting go of false standards and tapping into a personal honesty that is brave, freeing, and empowering. What does that have to do with family photograpy? Let me show you!
#1 “Our work is to get to the place where we like ourselves, and are concerned when we judge ourselves too harshly or allow others to silence us.”
Most of us have felt the pull to put off family photos until something we want to change, gets changed. “When you get past a busy time at work. When you lose ten pounds. When the kids are out of their funk. When the baby is a little older.”
The mindset lurking in the shadows here is that once that roadblock has been removed, you’ll feel better about [yourself/your house/your kids/your spouse] and then the photos will be better. Brene encourages us to do the work of facing down those judgmental voices, liking who we are, now, today, in our full and honest humanity.
#2 “It’s always helpful to remember that when perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun. Perfectionism is not healthy striving. It is not asking, ‘How can I be my best self?’ Instead, it’s asking, ‘What will people think?’”
It feels risky to step outside the box of idealized family photos – will people think you’re messy, ugly, disorganized, unkempt, lazy… if you don’t bend to the pressure of crafting the illusion of a perfect family, and instead just make photos of who you are in this moment of life? If you DARE to like your life just as it is?
Based on how many people tell me they LOVE the way I photograph families, how fun it is to look at people’s homes and kids and see them doing normal things… I’d say that we actually LOVE seeing the lives of those brave enough to do it. Guess what: no one is actually judging – we’re all loving it. Dive in! The water is FINE!
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#3 “The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity.”
Stare hard at that messy corner of your house. Stare hard at the half dressed kiddo currently licking jam off her own cheek. At the wall in need of repainting. At the dishes in the sink. NOT ONE OF THESE THINGS diminishes you or your worthiness. Even if no other mother has similar messy corners and jam smeared children (which they do!) it STILL wouldn’t remotely diminish you as a worthy and wonderful person. You deserve photos of your life and your family. You are awesome.
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#4 “True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
This one goes beyond our personal encounter with ourselves and invites us to be honest to everyone else. Imagine a world where none of us moms feel bad at all about the laundry on the bathroom floor, and we’re all fine with each other’s unfinished to-do lists, and cups half-full of cold coffee on the desk beside a half-finished craft project and the kids coats piled like Manhattan garbage bags by the back door and the dog hair on the couch because no matter how much you meant to keep it clean, snuggling Fergus is way more satisfying than pristine upholstery. Imagine if we all really believed everyone lives in some version of this, and we actually LIKED that about each other. Imagine if the photography we loved showed this full picture of our lives and we all actually loved that about it. If we saw fullness and abundance and comfort and happiness in pictures of real life. And those pictures tell the true story of who we are and it’s loveable. That’s true belonging.
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#5 “Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be; embrace who you are.”
This may sound silly but try to imagine, throwing your arms around yourself and your home and your kids and your spouse and your whole life as it is right now - wrap in your arms and say ‘I love you.” Embrace your body as my children see it every day (and not as you remember it being fifteen years ago)? Let go of how my house looked in its finest moment, and embrace the infinite signs of life being lived, that abound in every direction. Would you believe me if I told you: a great photographer can make beautiful photos in any space? I can show you with fresh eyes how your house is a haven for the beautiful family you’re nurturing, and how your body is a vessel of love to the people who depend on you. You’re doing fine - really! Better than fine.
